Angels and Oracles, Masonic Temples and Mystereum Tarot

Amy Milder & I at the Women's Health Fair in Santa Fe offering Angel and Oracle readings

Wow, has this been a delicious time in the Santa Fe divination & Tarot community. A few weeks back Amy Milder and I had a wonderful day offering readings at the DeVargas Mall Women’s Health Fair, and yesterday the Santa Fe Tarot Meet-Up got to tour the Scottish Rite Masonic Temple and then experience J Jordan Hoggard’s lively presentation from his forthcoming Shiffer publication, Tarot in the Land of Mystereum: An Imagination Primer.

Amy doing her thang...

Amy Milder is a sparkly and gifted healer and friend. She channels Angels, is a Crystal Healing therapist and an EFT trainer. We bonded when I first moved to Santa Fe over our shared delight in pop culture references, our irreverent and earthy sense of  spiritual transformation, and the joy of expressing our inner girly-girls. I adore her and our work compliments each other.

Santa Fe Scottish Rite Temple stage mural

Carrie Paris, our resident Tarot Goddess and organizer of the Santa Fe Tarot Meet-Up scheduled a tour of the big pink Moorish castle here in Santa Fe. A gaggle of Tarot enthusiasts explored the hidden and magical worlds of this 1911 Santa Fe Icon. The photographs of the current presidents of the organization spoke to me, as did a bronze bust of a forefounder that was alive. {Faeth saw it too, out of the corner of your eye this art piece was actually living.} The photographs said, in a solemn and cryptic way, “We know things.” hmmm…..they probably do, keep on keepin’ on with your bad-ass selves; power to the mystics.

One of the highlights of the tour was their sunken theater and stage. The room was outrageously lush, with glowing stars in the ceiling, symbolically rich stained glass windows, embellished columns, gigantic murals and a feeling of steeping back a century or two. The Mason’s obviously have a wonderful sense of pomp and circumstance because the host waited about twenty minutes into our discussion  before they raised the main mural and exposed a layered set that was of a verdant woodland scene. I think a few of us almost passed out. It was so lovely, and so enlivened by the years of use that most of us had the sense of actually being able to walk into the pathway that beckoned on the canvas. My inner child went berserk and wanted to move in. The palette was also so beautiful, I imagine it was originally created in the 1930’s or 40’s; the sage greens and muted oranges spoke of that era’s design sense. yummy.

An early 20th century SW woven altar cloth with their symbols...the upper images are upside down because it would have hung down on the table

Carrie Paris our Santa Fe Tarot Tribe organizer and resident Goddess!!!

And as if it couldn’t get any better than that, we got to go into the COSTUME ROOM. Lord have mercy it was cool. The collection of costumes from the early 20th century were so baroque, so sumptuous, so deliciously sacred that you could feel the reverence of the artisan who made them. This collection is truly a treasure.

The Scottish Rite Temple's valuable and magical costume vault...i wanted to move in

J Jordan Hoggard of Mystereum Tarot in the glorious woodland set at the Mason's stage

The magic and myth of the Masonic Temple was a perfect introduction to Jordan’s first presentation to the Santa Fe Tarot tribe. I met Jordan about a month ago at the Reader’s Studio Tarot conference in New York City. He has created a unique system using his Tarot in the Land of Mystereum:An Imagination Primer to support each of us in reclaiming the power and passion available through our own inner reservoirs of creativity and vision. Last year at the Reader’s Studio he signed a deal with Shiffer publishing to offer this exciting exploration of Tarot, Feng Shui, architecture; each of the cards speaking in the first person to guide you through your own awakenings. His presentation was lively and imaginative, just like him. Jordan will be moving  to Santa Fe in a couple of week from Denver, and he will be a fabulous addition to our thriving community. In June I will be giving a presentation with my own Oracle of Initiation divination deck to the Santa Fe Tarot Meet-ups, and we will raffle off a copy of the deck…be there or be square…

J Jordan Hoggard with his "Tarot in the Land of Mystereum: An Imagination Primer" deck at the Santa Fe Tarot Meet-up offering a very interactive spread..

Identity. The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Who are we? Who TRULY are we? Are we our package, our culture, our gender, our species, our multidimensionality?

I ponder this question, a lot. It has been the driving force in my own process of  theredefinition and reclamation of my expanded self.

My Oracle of Initiation divination deck is really a tour de force of reclaiming our multifaceted existence. The Oracle deck has fifty-six Painted Body images of one person. This one person happens to be me, but if you were called to do the deck, it might have been you. The process was the opposite of narcissism; it is a study in shape-shifting and moving between the worlds. If one person can get out of the way and become so many different personas and Spirits, who are the rest of us? How many being are co-existing within YOU right now?

{ To be really transparent, ALL of the images in this post are me…}

Early on in the recovery of my psychic skills I was hiking on Mt. Rainier in Washington State. I scrambled over a large logjam and two feet below me a little pine marten emerged. Now this was before I had truly reclaimed my intuitive knowing, so this experience was quite unique at that time. As I looked down at the pine marten, into its eyes, I knew I was that animal, Now, simultaneously with the earthly Melissa Weiss Steele dimension as well. I somehow knew we could exist in multiple realties, concurrently; and it seemed really normal.

I understand this may be a really “out there” concept for some folks. And, it may also FREE YOU. It is possible to move beyond the narrow constricts of our limited human perceptions, and recognize our vast, limitless, expansive potentials within many dimensions. We can break out of the small ways we all see ourselves. I do not mean small in the humble, simple, pure way, but in the limiting and constricting ways we minimize ourselves. We can let go of the old stories and become whom we have blossomed into.

“Identity” is one of these ways we can blind ourselves to our true essence. Most of us have been reared in societies that have been off kilter for many hundreds or thousands of years. There are layers and layers of cultural and familial disassociation that we have all inherited. I believe this is the time, as we move into a new world paradigm, that we are unpacking all of this disharmony. We are transforming millennia of disempowerment, disrespect, and disconnection into our true birthright as divine human beings.

I have some perspectives from my own process and work with clients to consider in redefining who you truly are, NOW. Lets do this today, together. Lets hold a larger space for who we truly are, not who we were five years ago, or last week, or even five minutes ago. It is the time to surf the waves of change, and we need to be very adaptable and agile to navigate this swift and shifting terrain.

Have you caught up to who you are now? I suggest we stop retelling those old, outmoded stories about our perceived weaknesses, injuries and limitations, and look at how we are operating NOW. You may be surprised by how much you have grown. Look for the evidence in your life for where you reacted differently from the past, and savor it. Let your friends  mirror how much you have changed, giving concrete examples to support your new thesis…the way you respond to life NOW.

Have you caught up to who other people are now? We all have our own stories about the other people in our lives. Look at them today, they may be different, really different. Folks are waking up and transforming at rapid rates, and you cannot tell who may see the world from a larger perspective than previously possible. This leads us into number three…

Own your projections. Projections are those shadowed characteristic, drives and impulses within ourselves that at some point we decided, or were told were bad. They are the unintegrated parts of our psyche that irritate or draw us in when we feel it within another. We all have areas in our lives where we perceive we have not excelled or are not being met. Money, relationships, career, personal development, physicality; there’s a whole laundry list.  I suggest in the redefinition process of the whole NEW you that we recognize the places we are judging or comparing ourselves to others. We ALL do this. If you tell me you don’t, I won’t believe you. Look at who you think you should be, or not be, by how you project your own insecurities or yearnings onto others. Both the people who drive you nuts, and the people you idolize. All are parts of yourself. Period. This concept is one of the central pieces within The Oracle of Initiation, I call them your Rainbows in the Dark. Many of the Oracle’s images were taken in subterranean graffiti tunnels, with gloriously vibrant hidden rainbows. Our Rainbows in the Dark are the full, passionate, juicy parts of ourselves that we have shadowed and shamed. Our greatest gifts and power reside in those rich and dark places, and part of the Universe’s grand plan it to help our true essences remerge from that hidden and cloistered place.

Redefine Initiation. Initiation is another word for something that changed you. It may be both a challenging experience or an ecstatic experience, but you stepped {or were thrown}through some sort of threshold and moved to a different level. I have been initiated by love, illness, death, fear, bliss, religion, group-dynamics, disempowerment, shamanic journeys, dancing, ethnicity, animals, marriage, insects, travel, creativity, dreams, sexuality, education, driving, weather, rituals…it could go on and on. We tend to think of it as a deeply challenging experience, a place where you find what you are made of. This can be true. There is usually an intensity to it, but not always. You may also be initiated in gently and subtle ways, so subtle you do not realize the change until years later. I was initiated as a child into the ways of the woods. I cannot tell you exactly what happened, but as an adult when I returned to my childhood stomping grounds I KNEW that place. I belonged to them. And that knowing was quiet and tender, and true. Redefining initiation is a process of reviewing the experiences in your life that sent you in a new direction. The places where you expanded, or constricted; the places where you were touched by something new. Most of us tend to hang onto the difficult things, so those are the places we really get to work to reclaim the treasures and lessons. Life is one huge story. Your life is a series of connection, orbits and destinies that I believe do all have some level of divine order. So a perfect place to begin with redefining you initiations is to see how the lessons within the challenge may have opened you  to new skills, levels of compassion or opportunities. As I said with the Rainbows in the Dark, I believe our greatest struggles hold our greatest gifts. We were given these experiences on a soul level to temper us and create depth and wisdom. The rub is most of us have not figured out how to turn them around…so just consider, and this really is a longer post on its own, that what you saw as a violation or injury was actually the opening to your destines in this lifetime.

Gain a larger vision of your intuitive responses. Your body is a huge antenna. It will tell you the truth, if you learn how to listen. We have all created a long list of how we translate different energetic and intuitive reactions within our bodies. When our solar plexus seizes, we say that is fear or anxiety. When our throat constricts that is a negative blockage or resistance to our truth. When we become giddy it is love, or an attraction to something. I have been working on this one for quite a while. My solar plexus is the center of my inner processor. My energetic messages come mainly through my gut. When I carried a lot of dissociation and anxiety in the past I linked the variety of physical sensations in that area to dread or nervousness. As I have learned, that’s not always true. I have become so open and receptive to subtle energetic patterns that I may be picking up on a shift in the earth’s ley lines as I walk, or be transmitting another’s emotional reaction. We are all, on some level, carrying the changes the culture, earth, energy matrix, and each other are undergoing within our bodies. This is a lot of weather flowing through-all the time. So don’t get stuck on a single sensation and globalize it. As Annie Rafter said here in Santa Fe, “if you make a whole story up around your impression, you tie a lead balloon to that interpretation.” Instead, say to yourself, “ah..a new sensation..hmmmm…”and just be filled with curiosity and wonder. You will free yourself with this one exercise.  {A note, there is a difference between the variety of impression and reactions that float through, and that core, survival instinct that says “Get the hell out of here.” That is different. Listen to that one, it is a great gift; even if it means leaving a job, a relationship or living situations.}

These are some things to consider as we stumble towards an expanded sense of ourselves, our world and each other. Maybe you can tell yourself a new story today, living the potential of NOW.

I am 8 Years Old Today

My new life began eight years ago today. It has been a great passage, filled with more adventure, revelations and hard work than I could have imagined. The journey has yielded invaluable lessons in surrendering and receiving, as well as also how one can clutch to the past. I look back now, over these eight cycles considering what has passed away, and what wishes to continue forth. Today I give profound honor to one of my great initiators, my wonderful husband Christopher, Christ-bearer, who died eight years ago today of cancer. His return home was the gateway into my new life. He is Saint Christopher in my life now, a protector on my journeys, a baptizer, a giver of the staff of life that now bears fruit, and a guardian at the thresholds seeking to the serve the greatest Spirit…

On Vashon Island with beloved Rowdy

I laid out a spread from my Oracle of Initiation divination deck asking what has been released and what wishes to be reclaimed. The deck has been one of the astonishing blessings that appeared during this quest of emergence. The Oracle was created directly out of my own process of redefining the challenges I faced throughout my life, and especially the last eight years, embracing the creativity and gifts within my struggles. The Oracle deck is how I recognized my own Rainbows in the Dark, the juice, passion and power within my shadows and complexities.

The three cards representing what I have released over the last eight years are:

58. Remembrance; 36. Trust; 31. Knowing. Both Remembrance and Trust are reversed.

The three cards  representing what I am reclaiming as I move forward are:

51. Refining; 55. Alignment; 63. Regeneration. All three of these are reversed.

A little background on the Oracle deck. There are eight stages within the deck, eight levels one passes through within a process of spiritual transformation. I directly experienced this progression within my own journey of renewal. In the reading above, four of the stages are represented:  Discernment; Alliance; Offering; and Unity. Each of these four sections speaks to a series of trials and tests we may experience during a pathway of spiritual awakening. The levels also speak to the gifts and transformations available by meeting the challenges and claiming the courage, compassion and depth within the process. The reversals speak to a possibility emerging; an opportunity that is waiting to sprout. Reversals can also be something you have overcome, old patterns that have been shifted.

When I look to the three cards representing what has been released, it speaks to the claiming of my power and knowing. 58. Remembrance, is the card of reconnection to ones ancient knowing. It is the card of Divinity reclaimed, the willingness to journey down Alice’s rabbit hole returning with insights, wisdom and skills for our modern era. In its reversed position it speaks to my underworld journey traveling between the realms and rekindling those channels of knowing. It resides within the Unity section, the re-union with our essential illumination and essence.

36. Trust has been one of my greatest challenges in this lifetime. Trusting myself, trusting the Universe, trusting others, I got it all. For many years I was isolated from my true essence, feeling a sense of abandonment and detachment from my relationship to Source. Reclaiming trust has been my greatest transformation, recognizing the fact that I am always guided, supported and greatly loved. I still need refreshers now and again, but it is anchored much more solidly than it was in the past. Hallelujah. It also speaks to the golden glow of trusting your own instincts and inner fire. Trust is within the Alliance section of the Oracle. The stage where you open to a broader and more refined view of universal connection, relying on your Spirit Guides and earthly soul family’s collaboration on your path of evolution.

31. Knowing in the ancient magical child who is both wise and enchanted. She has a directness and power in her gaze; she wears the cape of glowing rainbows. She is the Guardian of all our indigenous knowing, she is fierce and strong and true. She has no doubt of her worth and rightful place as a Holy One. She is dark. She is fertile. She is the power in the subterranean forest we all must meet to reach our wholeness. In order to carry true illumination, we need to integrate the paradox of our sparkling darkness. She carries all that is, she is the Sun and the Moon, the fullness and the constriction, all colors within the void. Knowing resides in the Discernment section of the deck, the stage after the initiatory breakdowns when you embrace your instinctual wisdom and begin the resurrection process with greater clarity and intuitive insight.

Honoring Christopher

He was so alive. He climbed mountains, painted allegories, embodied chivalry, traveled the world, adored his clan, devoted himself to beauty, loved his work, recognized magic, and was funny as hell. He was a chameleon, at home in both the natural world and urban environments. His Virgo had such a sense of decorum, propriety and respect, but not in a constricting way. He also had one of the finest design and aesthetic awarenesses of any straight man I have known. And he knew how to love. Thank you Gram-bits, R & D. You gifted the world with a being who knew his worth.

Beloved Roberta

There are some interesting Saint Christopher parallels with Chris’s life and death. The Myth of St. Christopher is that he chose to serve God by ferrying people across a dangerous river. He was a giant who used his immense size to navigate a difficult channel. One day a small child asked to be transported, and Christopher waded thought the water with his staff supporting their passage. The child became almost unbearably heavy, but St. Christopher labored through it, almost sinking and baptizing them both. On the other side of the river he asked the child what happened, and the infant reveled he was Jesus and Christopher had been carrying the weight of the worlds sins. After this great offering St. Christopher’s staff was given the power to sprout leaves and bear fruit. His bravery and dedication to supporting other’s passages is why he is the patron saint of travelers.

I do believe my Christopher was baptized and renewed during his ordeal. He crossed the river between the worlds, and became holy from his initiatory trials. As Sonya Lea said in a Tarot reading after his death {she was one of the first people he came to directly-in Spirit-after his death. He always shows up in our readings together}, he thanked me for my support because he had transformed from a knight to a king through this ordeal. Soon after his death, on the rugged Pacific Northwest coast, he gifted me with three things along my beach walk. The first item was a little plastic knight figure, the second was a little pink cross, and the third was a beautiful wooden staff. He laid out in offerings the journey he achieved, gifting me with my own staff of resurrection from the process.   I have been walking with its support since.

My Staff from Christopher

A story about his sense of humor. We were both stubborn and opinionated {I’ve left that all behind-wink-wink}, so our shared sense of delight and play helped get us through some bucking of horns. One day we were in need of an energy shift, and he picked up an empty paper-towel tube and barked at me through it in a funny voice… Mission accomplished, giggles ensued. Well, as a “happy marriage tool” I took two of those tubes, writing “his,” and “hers” on each one. We kept them in the kitchen and at opportune moments would bust them out to shift the dynamics. Try it, its fun.

So here I am, eight years later, and what do I choose to bring forth from all of these shifts and experiences?

51. Refining 55. Alignment 63. Regeneration.

51. Refining is the kundalini opening, the snake rising up through the social construct of “the face,” the persona, illuminating the crown chakra. It is the tempering fires of chaos and order, of golden re-illumination. The shadows and the light held in the delicate and regenerative balance of yin and yang, active and receptive energies. There is the “light at the beginning of the tunnel” as Stacey Robyn said to me, the ascension process through which we become divinity incarnate, lights at the beginning of the tunnels, illuminated holy humans. 51. Refining and 55. Alignment are both from the Offering section within the Oracle, the stage where you have integrated, balanced and surrendered yourself to such a degree that now your unique gifts and talents become a sacred offering to the collective.  You returned from the hero’s journey, ready to bring the wisdom of the quest back to the tribe.

55. Alignment is another card speaking to the process of integrated wholeness. Alignment is the pathway up or down the sacred ladder of life, the levels of development within the tree of life as you  mediate between the worlds. You have surrendered to your truth and destiny, you are the traveler between the realms who is both archetypal and mundane, skeletal and animate; a reclining Days of the Dead skeleton delighting in the life-death-life cycle of decay and regeneration.

63. Regeneration is your existence as a Rainbow Web Dreamer. You are fully vibrating your own rhythms, your own multidimensional brilliance. Every act, every though, every impulse feeds your works for the collective. Your life is joy and magic and creative force, without the differentiation of culture, class or ego construct. You are One.

I have dedicated myself to apprenticing to the wild and integrative forces of co-creative visions, claiming the blessings and gifts within this challenging loss. Today, I would not change any of it, and this took me almost this long to hold that. This complexity does not disregard my profound love and connection to Christopher, his beautiful family, and the life we shared together, and yet my soul has been freed to a much larger potential than I could have ever dreamed.

Today I honor you Christopher, and also one of my family members who passed yesterday as well. The oldest sibling in my mother’s Scandinavian lineage, my Aunt Nancy died yesterday quietly in her home. I read once that the compliments we give others are actually reflections of ourselves. Aunt Nancy once said about Christopher, “He is a class act.” Well, right back at yah Nancy, rest in peace.

The Scandinavians-Aunt Nancy is second from the left, between my mother and Grandma Maxine with Rusty

“The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds”  The Notebook

Thank you for everything Chris, it was ALL a blessing.